jazzy: (Default)
[personal profile] jazzy
 dear kim,

i know you will never read this, as you don't have dw or even lj anymore, but i feel the need to say it, and maybe i'll even share it with you. right now it just needs to get out.

i want to thank you. i want to thank you for truly helping me become a better person. i'm sure you don't even realize you did, but you did. it was all thanks to that massive, week/month-long fight we had during junior year; i'm sure you recall it. from that i learned so much and i have become much more productive when handling my problems.

you taught me that aim is not the way to solve problems. you taught me that it is passive aggressive and that it has unequal distribution of power over the conversation. you taught me that an aim message while the other person is away is the coward's way out. 

you made me realize that i was afraid of confrontation.

you also made me realize that even though it is scary, talking things out is the best way to get real answers and solutions; much better than cryptic away messages or lj posts. things that only hope or assume the other person will understand; even if they do, they offer only retaliation or a cold shoulder as a response.

you made me realize that instead of spending my time formulating concise, sharp, angry speeches designed to hurt the other person, i instead should spend that time forming my thoughts into statements that clearly express what is wrong, how i feel. you taught me to exercise maturity always, and that no matter how bad things get, respect or at least civility should always be shown.

you taught me how disrespecting, hurting, someone by acting like our conflict isn't even worth my time can make a situation go from bad to worse.

you taught me to talk and to listen, to admit when i've hurt someone and not get defensive. you also taught me to not give in and take the blame for something that isn't my fault.

tonight i had a fight with another friend of mine, and though the issues involved have yet to be resolved, i know that i made my feelings clear in ways that were not attacking. i know that exercised respect and maturity throughout. in short, i know i did my best. i don't feel good about the whole situation, but i know where i stand. i hope this friendship can be worked out; without you, kim, it wouldn't have stood a chance.

thanks and ♥ forever,




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